The 5 Important Reasons for Intimacy Issues in Relationships

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

People in today’s world of love and dating are facing intimacy issues with their partners. Intimacy is not just limited to being romantic; it is beyond that. One can have an intimate relationship with their family, friends, and sometimes even therapists. To have intimacy with someone means to be completely yourself, to be vulnerable, to be sharing, to be emotional, and to have a particular understanding. Intimacy is also a means to have a sexual connection, but it is not always that.

Intimacy makes a relationship strong, and it is one of the most important parts of maintaining a healthy relationship. Without any intimacy between partners, conflict arises, misunderstanding develops, and the feeling of loneliness prevails.

In today’s time, couples often face intimacy issues in their relationships which leads to cause disagreement and misunderstanding. To solve this particular problem, they seek either couple counseling or individual therapy to overcome the intimacy issues in their relationship.

Importance Of Intimacy

Intimacy in new romantic relationships takes some time to build up for the long term, which requires constant efforts, patience, and communication between partners. A lot of couples judge their bond with their significant other based on their intimacy level. Couples regard physical and emotional intimacy as the ultimate happiness and means for the long term of their relationships.

Trust, communication, efforts, and understanding are the foundation of every healthy relationship, and intimacy is the strong pillar that holds everything together. Couples often confuse romance with intimacy; romance is more about actions, gestures, validation, and showing affection, whereas intimacy is a powerful source of connection between two people.

Intimacy issues often cause couples to separate because the bond of trust and understanding breaks down. Intimacy in relationships is extremely powerful and strong to keep two people happy and healthy together.

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Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

Not only is intimacy important for a healthy relationship but also the good mental health of couples. Besides strengthening the bond of relationships, intimacy also relieves the stress of people. An intimacy helps build confidence, and for people with low self-esteem and lack the ability to be vulnerable.

What Is Fear Of Intimacy?

Intimacy is an ability to be vulnerable and open to someone; it is an extremely close physical and emotional bond that one share in a relationship. When it comes to romantic couples, it often refers to sexual connection as well. Intimacy issues in relationships often arise due to the fear of intimacy of a person.

To define fear of intimacy, it is an anxious feeling in someone’s head that they are getting too close or vulnerable with someone, and people suffering from fear of intimacy try every means to avoid intimacy and push people away from getting too close. However, they long for closeness, emotional support, and a loving relationship. This fear often becomes the reason for sabotaging relationships and the separation of partners.

Causes Of Fear Of Intimacy

Often, intimacy issues in relationships occur when people start to feel the past traumas looming over their head or some past experiences, especially childhood, that make them restless.

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Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash

Avoiding intimacy and getting too close to someone in a relationship or in general is a way of protecting oneself from being hurt. This avoidance or prevention of being intimate is almost a defense mechanism. People find it extremely hard to trust others, be vulnerable with them, or share emotions with them, all types of intimacy issues.

There are other reasons as well that are the source of the fear of intimacy. They are as follow:

The Fear Of Neglect

It is an innate fear that people often feel in an intimate relationship, the fear of neglect or abandonment. They often feel like just one fine day their significant other will leave them, which occurs because of past experiences or the death of close people.

The Fear Of Rejection

Intimacy issues commence when there is a deep-seated fear of rejection in one’s mind, and they never make the first move towards building an emotional closeness or physical intimacy. It is also because one does not want to get hurt or experience what others have been through in relationships.

Childhood Traumas

Sexual abuse and any trauma during one’s childhood are major reasons for fear of intimacy in relationships, especially physical. It gets hard for a person to trust others, be vulnerable with them, and have an intimate sexual relationship.

The Fear Of Losing Oneself

People think that if they have an intimate relationship with someone, they might lose their identity or value. They might be known through their partner’s identity, such as His wife/her husband, etc. To avoid this, they keep their distance from people getting intimate with them.

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Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Reasons For Intimacy Issues In Relationships

To be loved and to be in love is every human utmost desire on this planet. Everyone seeks closeness, understanding, and intimacy with their friends, families, and significant others. Intimacy in a relationship binds people together for the long term. Both physical and emotional closeness or intimacy with people is the essential need of human beings.

Holding hands, hugging, kissing is a cute form of intimacy in a relationship that makes the couple happy and the relationship strong & healthy, but intimacy is very much beyond that. It is vastly about understanding someone inside out, trusting someone wholeheartedly, and being vulnerable with someone without any hesitation.

When there are intimacy issues between two people, then it would certainly affect the relationship. There is a lot of reason for intimacy issues in relationships, and some of the most common and important ones are as follow:

Unstable Relationship

An unstable relationship is one of the common reasons for intimacy issues between couples. They might have a good physical intimacy sometimes. Still, if there is no understanding, trust, and share of emotions between partners, then there is a certain chance of rising intimacy issues which often lead to affect the sexual intimacy.

Constant Resentment

Another major reason for intimacy issues in a relationship is the perpetual existence of negative emotions such as anger and jealousy. Arguments or fights often get resolved, but if these feelings lingered and become the highlight of a relationship, intimacy issues are bound to occur.

Lack Of Communication

Intimacy is all about communication and how comfortable people are communicating with their partners. Open, honest, and good communication is important for a healthy, happy, and intimate relationship. Listening and talking go hand in hand in a healthy and happy relationship. If there is a lack of communication in a relationship, it paves the way for intimacy issues which is inevitably unhealthy for a relationship.

Mental Illness

Often it is observed that people with mental disorders like depression, anxiety, or stress isolate themselves, push their loved ones away, lack the ability to show affection, and affect their perspective of the world. This causes intimacy issues in relationships, and sometimes people with low self-esteem sabotage their relationship to avoid being judged or vulnerable.

Fear Of Intimacy

Intimacy issues occur due to the fear of intimacy, which happens because of several reasons such as childhood sexual abuse, avoidant anxiety disorder, fear of rejection, abandonment, losing oneself, controlling partners, physical abuse, and others.

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Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash

Solving Intimacy Issues

A relationship works like magic if both partners are in sync and show equal effort to make their bond happy, healthy, and long-lasting. Just like every other issue of this world has certain solutions for it, so do intimacy issues in relationships. To resolve intimacy issues, couples need to put in more effort together, have an honest conversation, be extremely vulnerable without the fear of judgment, and understand the root cause of it.

Here is the list of ways to resolve intimacy issues in a relationship. They are as follows:

Communicate Effectively

A relationship only lasts longer when there is good, honest, open, and effective communication between partners. If one partner starts hiding what they feel or doesn’t share any views or opinions, it might cause misunderstanding and miscommunication, which is a great cause for intimacy issues. Being open and talking about problems, show concern about things, and articulating feelings are ways for a happy intimate relationship. Talking and Listening is a very important aspect of all relationships and partners should be honest speakers and good listeners to maintain a healthy relationship.

Spend Quality Time Together

Quality time with your partner is one of the most beautiful love languages. It helps people understand each other and develops an intimacy between them. Spending quality time together doing activities like baking, playing any sport, going on a picnic, exploring places, or even doing the most simple thing together can blossom intimacy and emotional connection between partners.

Resolving Fights

Disagreement or arguments in relationships are common, but one should not linger longer to those feelings of frustration, anger, or irritation. It can only sabotage the bond and cause intimacy issues. Couples should learn to manage and resolve conflicts to restore their intimacy and to have a long-lasting happy relationship.

Intimacy issues certainly create a mess in relationships. Still, one should try and talk things out honestly with their partners about things bothering them or why there is a lack of intimacy. Only honest, vulnerable, and effective communication between couples could eradicate intimacy issues from every relationship across the world.


While at times contributed by guest authors, our content is medically reviewed periodically by professionals for accuracy and relevance. We pride ourselves on our high-quality content and strive towards offering expertise while being authoritative. Our reviewers include doctors, nurses, mental health professionals, and even medical students. 

Do note that any information found on the site does not constitute legal or medical advice. Should you face health issues, please visit your doctor to get yourself diagnosed. Icy Health offers expert opinions and advice for informational purposes only. This is not a substitute for professional medical advice.


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